i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
