I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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