i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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