i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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