omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
