What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I touched a dick in church today
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
