never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
