your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He passed out mid-signature
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
