My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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