Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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