my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
