Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
