I'm jealous of your bromance
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize