the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
