Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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