You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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