You work out of a Hotel?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
