My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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