I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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