I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize