We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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