His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
