it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
