Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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