i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
