It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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