He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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