in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
