I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
