Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
