where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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