yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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