Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do vagina's smell?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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