I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
