imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
