I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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