Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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