Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sext me about skeletons
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
