Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was born a porn star she said
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
