you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
