There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
