i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
