I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
