Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
