Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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