you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
