Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
