the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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