My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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