I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Randomize
