that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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