I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
nutella sex= disaster
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.