The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you