You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.