i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...