Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sobbing to NWA