so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.