Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket