Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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