I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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