It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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