I can text with my tongue
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
