I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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