well I can't set my house on fire every night
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
