i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
