I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
