A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
