never play flip cup with pint glasses
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
