all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
