I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
