she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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