I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
