That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's not a walk of shame if you run
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
