Pappa wants mamma naked
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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