i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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