Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i think my cat just said my name.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
