Ambien. No doubt about it.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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