I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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