Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
