when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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